Fact and Fiction

I guess I've been avoiding this white space for a few days. I've been in a weird mood and wasn't sure if it was just me being me or what.
So many thoughts running through my head. And they don't always tie into each other so it can be hard to get it all out. I'll try tomorrow though.


I went out Friday night to see Sex & the City with Kourtney and her sister Kristen. It was a little weird because Kristen and I have only see each other once (very briefly) since we decided to have nothing to do with each other. I still have a hard time respecting her.

The movie was good. There was some things that disappointed me, but I figured that going into it. Overall- good.

The night out was nice. It was nice to go out and see a movie in a theater- especially with a packed house. That was a lot of fun.

But it was also a night out with Kourtney. I was left feeling distant. And I don't know if it's me being judgemental (it is a little) or if it's the same song and dance.

I texted Jayne (nurse keeping the twins) after the movie and she said all was fine and to stay out a little later. So we decided to have a drink. We were downtown and I knew we'd end up at one of the bars that Kourtney goes to all the time. She has a major crush (God- she's almost 30 for crying out loud) on this guy that runs 3 or 4 prominent restaurants and bars downtown. She goes to 2 of his bars almost every night after she's get off work. The thing with him is that he's married still. Granted he does not live with his wife and they have filed legal separation, but he is not divorced yet. Besides which, he's told her he's not ready to move on yet. But she hangs around him like a little lost puppy and I find that very sad. I think she could do so much better. But that's Kourtney.

We went to Hoops (bar) for drinks and all was fine. I only took a sip or two from my Martini since I knew I was driving soon. She and Kristen both finished their drinks and we'd decided to leave. I was ready to go get the kids. At this point it was after 10pm and I had to drive 30 minutes to get them and then almost an hour home. We were way off their schedule. Well, literally as I was getting up to leave, Crush walked in. Kourtney the lit another cigarette and ignored me (and Kristen- which was oh so much fun) until she finished that cigarette and realized I was checking the time every 10 seconds.
She says, "Well...I guess we should go." I could tell she really wanted to stay longer, but I said, "Yes. I have to get my kids." And started to leave. (My car was at her apartment- we rode downtown together.)

It irked me that she still pulls the same shit. If she's around a guy she likes, she turns into That Girl. You know the one. Changes the way she talks. Laughs/giggles too much. Flirts outrageously and obnoxiously. And ignores everyone in the room. Girls/women like that just really get under my skin.


And here's where I get more judgemental...
Kourtney had to go into work after the movie. But she had a drink before going to work. I don't know. That seems wrong to me. Irresponsible or something. I was raised that you don't do that sort of thing.
Another thing is Crush did 2 shots in the span of 5 minutes- while he was working.
How is this okay?! Just because one the restaurants you run (not own) has a bar upstairs, you get to drink on the clock? WTF?!

And she says she doesn't drink too much, that she only goes out for a drink or two. But she does it 3-5 times a week. To me that is a lot.

All night she compared herself to Carrie. I wanted to shout to her that Carrie is not real. Crush isn't going to suddenly come rushing to her side and proclaim his undying love for her. She lives in a fantasy and it annoys me.

And that's the root of it all...she lives in a fantasy. And I want her to wake up.


Crush did seem like a nice guy. But I'd also like to see Kourtney grow a pair and act like an adult- not a lovesick 13 year old girl.
She claims to be this aggressive go-getter, and maybe part of her is, but when men are around she just turns into an annoying wet-wipe.
(And she's read He's Just Not That Into You! And she's seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days!)


It's these times when I wonder why I'm trying so hard for this friendship. It just seems like we have nothing in common. And it really isn't fair to her that I get so judgemental with her sometimes.


I'm just in a mood. And her fantasy world always gets on my nerves when I'm stressed.


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The kids did great with Jayne. Her husband doesn't have kids, but loves babies, so he had a blast. Jayne said he took Jason out on the balcony and it was just the boys outside. Jason loved looking around outside she said. Jayne's daughter had her wisdom teeth out earlier in the day, so Jayne and Rea stayed inside and took care of her. And apparently Jason loved it when all the girls (some of the daughter's friends stopped by) talked to him. Apparently he was laughing and smiling at all the pretty girls.
Great. *laughs*

We've had a handful of 12 hour nights. Then last night they woke up once. But we're getting there and that makes me happy. The next step is taking them out of the swaddles. I'm going to wait and do that next week after I get some sleep sacks. I hope that will help them transition. Really J is fine without the swaddle. He comes out of it mostly before he's even asleep, but it keeps his legs warmer so I still use them.


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I've been very clingy to John the past few days. (After I complain about Kourtney...) I've needed a few extra kisses before he leaves for work and a few more cuddles in bed. I love him so much. The twins have been really hard on our relationship and there were a few times when I wondered if we'd make it to the other side together. Now I feel silly for ever doubting. He's my soul-mate and I love him more than words could ever say. And I know he loves me the same.

But we need to get on the sex. It's been infrequent since the kids were born. Partly because we have babies and that always makes it harder, and partly because all that time apart has made sex more painful for me. But we've worked most of the kinks out now, so we need to get more regular.


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Amanda (of Kyle & Amanda) didn't ovulate on her first round of Clomid. She's also taking Metformin. I really thought it would work for her. (Why? It didn't for me!) I hate to see a friend going through this. And you'd think I'd be better at the comfort part, but I find myself at a loss for words. I just want to gather her up and make it better.

I also wanted her to get pregnant with twins on the Clomid. (Okay. I still want her to have twins- Clomid or not!)

Infertility Sucks!!!

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I miss being pregnant.


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I need to find a job soon.



But for now I'm going to go sit on my ass and wait for John to get home. (And then jump him...)



Gina